is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
