ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize