Redeem this text for a blowjob
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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