yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
