I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
