he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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