Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize