I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
