I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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