She is in my trunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
