You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
