My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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