I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
