well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
