it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize