Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
