can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
