if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I checked into jail on foursquare
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
