Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
