Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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