I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
