I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
