i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize