yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
