A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
