alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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