do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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