went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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