it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
