u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Randomize
