There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
