I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
