The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
