you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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