New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
