Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
