Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
