She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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