there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
