you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
