I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
