booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Mom said you looked used
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
