I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
