I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
