Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
