I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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