she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
