WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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