Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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