found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
