i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
