Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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