I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drake has all the answers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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