I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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