On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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