you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
