well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
