sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
