I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
vagina is talking i cant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize