She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
