yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
only you would photoshop your dick
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
