tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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