I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
