I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
