Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My life is pants optional.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
