Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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