Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
