I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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