Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
