Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
