Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
