be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think people are normalizing furries
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
