my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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