Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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