You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
