come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
