Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
