conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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