Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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