no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize