Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I won the penis lottery.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
