I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
