vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
