Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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