chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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