and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
