Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
