SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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