The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
