So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Small penises have feelings too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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