I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
