she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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