Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
