You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
