i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
