I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
