I'm so fucking centered right now
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
time to smoke my breakfast
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
