There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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