I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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