i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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