does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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