Walk of Shame. In a state park.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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