i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
