I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize