What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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