At least make sure they are 18
Why
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
