my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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