He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
