you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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