You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Will exercising make me less horny?
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