he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
