my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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