"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
