my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
