The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize